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Dating with a disability

September 11, 2018

 

Dating when you’re ‘older’ is no picnic. When I was younger there were more options and you met organically; at work or out and about but increasingly the way to meet people is online. Apparently even the youngsters are doing it too! I have to admit that even ‘before’ my illness meeting someone was a struggle. There were hundreds of other women to compete with, to stand out from too.

 

I met some nice men and I dated a handful too but ultimately none have lasted the course. Since my illness my biggest dilemma has been do I tell them about my limitations before or after I meet up with them? I have met only three people since my illness; the first one I was with for a few months but he took flight when he saw my wheelchair, the second wouldn’t have gone the course even ‘before’ and the third had promise until he told me that he was a ‘swinger’!

 

So I’ve really not had much luck. I have tried different dating sites with not much luck. When I read someone’s biography and it says ‘loves walking’ or ‘into hiking’ I am always thinking I can’t do that, so I move on and dismiss them. I’m practically 50 but I have the body and energy of an OAP!

 

If you are already in a relationship and you have an illness then not only do you have the added support but you also have someone who loves and cares for you and sees you for all the good things about you but meeting someone new you don’t have that luxury. I look ‘normal’ but I have a list of conditions and symptoms which goes on and on, so at which point do I declare all of them?

 

Up until now my thought has been if I make it to a second date then I will explain. I don’t think that there’s any point going through all of the drama if they don’t make it to a second date. Friends have said ‘we all have things we take into a new relationship’ which is true but I do think mine is in the extreme. I would really love to meet someone and I am trying to be brave and just go for it but I’m not entirely convinced that men will see past my disabilities.

 

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